I remember the days when falling in love couldn’t be any easier. All it took was a linger that lasted a while longer. For days and nights the sweet feeling of infatuation surrounds with its blanket of warmth and romantic idealism. The sappy love songs and the cheesy movies actually made sense for a change.
What started off as mere fantasy became borderline obsession. And then suddenly, the muse I made, the idealism I held all fell crumbling down. Realizing the so called undying love was never reciprocated and that she never had the same feelings in the first place stabbed a wound deeper than any blade could.
But life goes on, as in time, wounds healed, and I felt ready for another adventure. With chest out and head up high, the world looked brighter, more optimistic, something that was missing from my life for a while. Soon enough, my stomach is churning, lips dry, and breath heavy, a feeling that once was lost but regained. Somehow this time, I actually had the courage to whisper a word, but soon enough I regretted it. I walk away in embarrassment only to mull myself over my idiocy.
However, life is forgiving and rich in generosity. I was sitting face to face, with the girl of my “dreams” finally! That sound of her laughter, her smile; if only we could freeze time and stay in them forever. Waiting for that phone ring almost felt like eternity and with slightest whisper of sound, my trembled and reached for the phone. But I still wait, perhaps she did not get my message, perhaps something happened, I thought, but slowly the realization kicked in. The sadness, the disappointment, the grief…
My guitar would take a good beating for a few days, as a means to mend yet another broken heart. Only this time around, forever it did not take; perhaps life’s responsibilities demanded a quick recovery. I dust myself off yet again, and set sail for a different horizon. Ohh how life always challenges you every step of the way guiding you.
Love at first sight? I thought such things no longer existed? Perhaps I should be careful, perhaps there’s more to it, I pondered. Down the rabbit hole deeper I went into the elusive nature of love, but the mystical forces of love could not let me off so easily as I found myself yet again at the mercy of Eros. She was intelligent, ambitious, and had a knack for challenging my assertions. This time though, I was prepared, “somewhat…”, and as fate would have it, she was under my arms staring into my soul like the starry skies at night.
Yet, it’s funny how fleeting it all can be. My heart said yes, but my mind said no. As much as I tried to convince myself into my delusions, sometimes love is not enough. The deeper I dive in love, the worse the pain, but more the growth. But life always works out for the best, it shows you that things can get better if you so choose, as those same butterflies found their way back in my stomach.
Aahhh, those big brown eyes and elegant grace of her body and voice. For once, my crazy philosophical rants, my outrageous spiritual beliefs, didn’t sound so crazy after all, as she stared into my world with amazement and excitement. At last, someone that could connect with my purest form of self, my ideals, my values…
But as if the Almighty above couldn’t make it any harder, time and circumstance never allowed for the flower to fully blossom. But life still goes on… slowly but surely your ideals of romanticism with it. New and old, they all leave their imprint on to you and they in turn take some of yours. Love no longer is the romantic movies you watch on TV, songs you hear on the Radio, nor fantasies you read in books; it becomes something more; something mature, more grounded, more real.
Yet, we still hold on to that little innocence of love, that Romanticism of our youth……..